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Nick-the-Time-Thief

Nick the Time Thief – Steals your time

Remember that time when you were just going to check this thing on the internet before going to bed, and suddenly it was four-o-clock in the morning? Or when you were on the phone with this cute boy/girl, and before you knew it, dinner time had come and gone and it was dark outside? And wasn’t it just yesterday you had to show your ID to buy a beer, and now your back goes out more than you do and the gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals? That is the devious work of Nick the Time Thief. All those lost hours and stolen years is his fault. He stole them while you weren’t looking. That’s why the childhood summer holidays lasted forever and the summers now are over before you even applied the first drop of sun lotion. Nick is spiriting away your precious time.

Why does Nick have the same relation with time as the Cookie Monster have with cookies? This is an enigma wrapped in a mystery inside a bunch of rumors. Some say he hit his head on a huge clock outside a watchmakers shop at the same time as lightning struck him, and when he came to again, he was a raving maniac obsessed with time. Others claim it all started that time Nick lost three whole weeks while browsing LOLcats, and that he is trying to get them back. The only thing we do know for certain is that there is no stopping him. He will continue to pilfer minutes, pillage hours and run away with years.

What does Nick do with all this time? There are many theories and legends. One says that somewhere deep under a mountain there’s a hidden lair with millions of years worth of stolen time. Other says that he eats the hours and the years with some fava beans and a nice chianti. No one knows. But we do know that sometimes Nick gets greedy and takes more time than he can carry, dropping minutes and hours all over the place while he runs away. Most notably around speeches at weddings, boring meetings, bus stops, queues, phones when you are expecting a call and, of course, pregnancy test results.

 

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Memory Muncher

Memory-Muncher

Memory Muncher makes you forget things

Have you ever walked into a room and forgot why? Studied for weeks before a test only to look at the first question and feel your mind go blank? Had a brilliant idea, but the second you get hold of pen and paper, it’s like some hyper-efficient cleaning lady has vaccumed your brain? Forgot important meetings, car keys, that thing you just had to do before going home? That is the result of you being in the vicinity of the Memory Muncher when it’s hungry, and as the name suggests, it feeds on our memories.

The Memory Muncher is particularly fond of the memories we need the most (one theory suggests that the processes the brain uses for prioritising memories make them extra spicy), but it thinks the more trivial memories tastes like damp cardboard. That is why it is so hard to remember things like wedding anniversaries and where you parked your car, but you have no problem at all remembering who was assistant sound engineer on Def Leppard’s second album.

The Memory Muncher is more or less invisible. It bends light by tricking it to believe that there’s a half eaten chocolate chip cookie on the ground. This Pesterling can also fly by annoying gravity until it’s really offended and wants nothing to do with the Muncher.

Dropling

Dropling

Dropling – makes you drop stuff

You are not as clumsy as you think. That phone/glass/sandwich that just fell out of your hands – that was not your fault, it was caused by the Dropling. This strange creature is, we believe, some sort of mix between a fat goblin and a small planet with a consciousness. It is no bigger than a tennis ball but is so extremely dense it has got its own gravitational pull. Whenever a Dropling passes nearby, its gravity pulls whatever you’re holding out of your hands. This phenomenon is sometimes called “The Dropler Effect”.

The Droplings strong gravity field gives the creature its own atmosphere, and also its own weather. This is explains sudden chills, drafts etc.

The gravity field is so strong it bends light and renders the creature invisible. (The only way we have been able to see and study it is through a reversed telescope with the lenses smeared with rancid coconut oil and unicorn pee.) This is why you sometimes stumble on what looks like a clear floor.

For some reason the Dropling seems to prefer to hang around children and elderly. We are not sure exactly why, perhaps it likes them better (in our studies we have found that when a kid drops something, the Dropling looks slightly worried, but when a grown up does it, the dense creature gets a smug look on its face and giggles).

Fnarpshaggies

Fnarpshaggies – leaves hair in the bathroom sink

Fnarpshaggies are a clan of very fuzzy trolls. They are covered from head to toe with thick hair that grows so fast they must shave at least once a day, or else they won’t even be able to move. Back in the old days, when the only available tools for shaving were sharp stones, wolf’s teeth and trained ants, some of the clumsier Fnarpshaggies who weren’t fast enough got entangled in their own hair and starved to death. Very sad. And to make things even worse it’s an old Fnarpshaggian tradition to cremate the dead indoors, making it the stinkiest funeral ceremony in the Pesterling underworld.

These days the Fnarpshaggies have discovered the comforts of modern life, particularly our bathrooms and disposable razors. This is why there’s always hair in the sink and clogging the shower drain, and why the razor’s dull all the time (and filled with strange hairs).

The Fnarpshaggies have also discovered that toilet paper is an excellent padding for their lairs. They’re the ones who usually take the last bit of paper and, not being familiar with human manners, don’t put a new roll in the holder. The sloppy bathroom habits of the Fnarpshaggies are considered to be the trigger that cause at least 43% of the arguments in human relationships (but they’re not the one’s that leave the cap of the toothpaste tube, that’s another Pesterling).

Tesligans

Tesligans – suck the juice out of batteries

If you wonder why you always have low battery in your phone, iPad, laptop etc, even though you just charged it, blame the Tesligans. They are a mischievous bunch of Pesterlings that feed on electric energy, and they adore battery juice.

Before humans discovered how to tame and use electricity the Tesligans lived on what static electricity they could find in nature. When the first buildings with interior power wiring systems were built, the curious and nibblish Tesligans were immediately there and licked the wall outlets. However, they found the current to strong and spicy, giving them gas and diarrhea. It wasn’t until the mass production of the rechargeable battery man-made electricity became a huge culinary success among the Tesligans. Not only did they find battery power absolutely delicious, but also intoxicating. Kinda like cocaine-sprinkled fois de gras.

The abundance of battery-powered technology in our modern society has increased the population density among the Tesligans – there’s always a fully charged device somewhere just waiting to be drained by this Pesterling. There is, however, a slight drawback with this diet/drug habit. The energy makes them really hyperactive, and their mating dance – that was once upon a time a complex and graceful performance – now simply consists of the male Tesligan spinning around his own axis really, really fast. This pirouette produces a high pitched whining sound only the female (and some species of rhubarb) can hear. Unfortunately, the spinning makes the male so disoriented, it can take up to 72 hours until he’s coherent enough to make a move; and it’s not unusual that he mistakenly mates with the female’s ugly friend out of cheer dizziness.

Broad-footed Litterbuggers

Broad-footed Litterbuggers – leaving crumbs in your bed

Do you have to wipe crumbs and dirt from your bed at night, even if the sheets were spotless in the morning? Well, this mess does not appear miraculously, it is – of course – the work of Pesterlings.

Litterbuggers are the worst slobs of all the Pesterlings. They are a sloppy, carefree lot that just dont care where they throw their trash. There are several subspecies of Litterbuggers, each having their own specialised area of littering. The Broad-footed Litterbuggers are responsible for leaving crumbs, sand and other small particles between the sheets, making the bed really uncomfortable.

This happens because the Broad-footed Litterbuggers love camping. They consider our beds their national parks, and think that the sheets are natures own tent. They are nocturnal and spend the nights ripping off frogs in card scams. When the morning comes they hike to our empty bedrooms, set up camp between the sheets, sing songs, tell stories, argue and eat a lot of cookies before they set out again for new mischief, leaving their mess behind.

It is also worth mentioning that the Broad-footed Litterbuggers feet are almost as big as the rest of their body (big stinky feet are their #1 defense against upset frogs out for revenge), and they always wear sturdy work boots, so a single Litterbugger can bring up to a handful of dirt in the bed just by getting into it.

Chillusc

Chilluscmakes the toilet seat cold

Is there anything less comfortable than a cold toilet seat? You really need to go, and it feels like you just sat your naked butt down on an Alaskan glacier. Like many of life’s annoyances, this nuisance is caused by a Pesterling. In this case the Chillusc. The Chillusc is a slug-like creature that feeds on thermal energy. It produces a conductive slime that enables it to absorb the heat from whatever object the Chillusc slides over, like a slimy moving refrigerator. It is very fond of toilet seats, but also bedroom floors and stethoscopes. (Some Chilluscs also seem to have developed a particular fondness for sucking the warmth out of the feet of one of two persons sleeping together in a bed).

There is some speculation why the Chillusc prefers these areas when it could absorb much more heat from ovens and radiators. One theory suggests that it’s because the Chillusc thinks there’s no sport in it, it’s just too easy. But the most accepted theory assumes that it – like a lot of other Pesterlings – gets a kick out of hearing humans yelp, scream and curse.

The Chillusc have two heads, one in each end. They both loath and ignore each other, and pretend the other head doesn’t exist. This causes some problems when it comes to moving around – the heads are pulling the body in opposite directions, getting nowhere as a result. The only time the Chillusc is actually getting somewhere is when one of the heads falls asleep.